Cheese Is My Boyfriend and Music Is My Girlfriend

So in need of chocolate today but have vowed to not gorge on junk. My luscious lady lumps are starting to form friendships that I fear might become life-long.
Hey, did you know that playing ignorant to food labels (particularly cheese) doesn't make the food you are consuming "low fat"?
Last night, me and Stuart Little ate a brick of goat cheese because it is DELICIOUS and NUTRITIOUS.

The nutritional values were written by Albert Einstein before he died. I don't understand when people talk of grams. If I had a cocaine scale handy, I would be able to decrypt that. Oh, and I don't live in Europe, therefore, do not understand the metric system.

Nutritional values should read as follows.

Serving Size:

Premenstrual

Menstrual

PreMenopausal

Think You Are Full Blown Menopausal

Mad at Significant Other (Shovel Available)

Grow Some Mouse Ears Because No One Will Ever Love You

Don't Look Good In A Leotard

Fuck It

Thank you, Nutritional Value People.

And now The Gift of Music, Suckas!

Japandroids-Young Heart Sparks Fire