My Life According to Melvin Eudall

I was talking to Smack My Bitch Up this morning, and we shared a moment, as can only be shared between loving siblings: we both realized we reference the movie, As Good As It Gets, when life gets a little crazy. It comes in handy when you are feeling like a flagrant asshole who is unable to interact properly with other members of the human race. Or the animal race in my case. Sentence frag.ment to do that.

Keep this dangling in your mind for a moment because you are going to need to retrieve it from your short term memory in a few seconds.

This month has been a collective SHOW. Shit show. Shit Shit Show Fo Sho.

And talking to a friend today, we both agreed that we've both had a fair share of "Fuck My Life" moments in September.

So this one is for KellzBellz:

FUCK YOU SEPTEMBER!

YOU SUCK!

You are associated with lameness every year! Hmm, let's see...SCHOOL, FALL, COLD SEASON, the list goes on and on.

I want you to make like Michael Jackson and Beat It.

Back to Melvin Eudall.

Who is Melvin Eudall?

All you need to know is that he is a fictional character from the movie As Good As It Gets. He is old as balls, and a truly wise man.

He is also a schizophrenic with social disorders, acute anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder.

My Melvin Eudall moments this month have had a lot to do with cleaning up fecal matter of one kind or another.

Namely, Bug, was the creature I was dog sitting for. (Tried to reposition. The Prep.O.Sition) He produced fecal matter, like a broke down Play Doh Factory.

(This might've come out of Bug's butt last week)

Bug has bugs...in his estomago (that means stomach for all the white people).

Every time I went to his house to walk him, he had left me eight separate piles of shit to clean. I know. I counted.

Then, he would do me the honor of sliding around in his own feces, and placing his disgusting brown paws all over me.

I took his brother, Frodo, to my house so that he could avoid the poo paws. Frodo thanked me by taking a dump in my bathroom. Kudos, Frodo. At least you got close to the toilet. If it wasn't for the whole opposable thumb thing, I think you woulda had a shot.

Then Frodo goes home.

My dog, Lola, decides to leave a Stanley Steamer smack dab in the middle of my kitchen.

Does this look like the face of discontent?!

I don't think so!!!!

Melvin. Eudall. Moment.

After a month of unpredictable and unpleasant occurrences, I start to flip out and get ornery. What to do? Why rely on patterns of predictability to help you get through your day! You silly!

Melvin. Eudall.

And on a special occasion, I freak out on randoms:

And my favorite:

Yeah. This summarizes the month of September.