Revolutionary Road is Like Bird Millet Laced with Strychnine

I talk to my brother two to three times a week, depending on how pissy he is feeling. His nickname morphs almost daily, as an inside joke that we have been running for years. Today, his name is Wesley High Fives.

Wesley and I were talking yesterday about the usual: death threats, bowel movements and movies. He is the only person on earth who has enough patience to listen to a play by play of a movie in order to not waste time watching it. I think he secretly likes hearing me tell stories.

Yesterday, I told him about Revolutionary Road. 

Don't watch this movie. Not for reference sake, not out of curiousity and NOT to see Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet together again. Just rent Titanic and watch it over and over again, it is more satisfying and the end is less grotesque. 

The plot is about how marriage all around sucks and there is no escaping the inevitable misery associated. 

Hey, I am going to tell you what happens at the end so YOU WON'T SEE THIS MOVIE: she fucking kills herself. 

It is, all in all, the most depressing movie of the year. Hey Sam Mendes, did you have a bad childhood? Things not going so well at home? Enjoy torturing others? Yes? Hey, make a two hour uncut film of a couple busting each others balls! Sounds like a winner.

After watching this, I held my husband all night long...and then I thought "Oh God, NO! No one can watch this movie! It's coming out on DVD soon! (I got it in South America for $1)" Hence, I got up early the next morning to warn High Fives, leading up to our story.

People, this is the marital equivalent to watching a snuff film.

Some highlights include:

Fighting

Fucking (other people besides each other)

Uncomfortable Silences

Sad, distant glares

A touch of reality

A touch of crazy

Suicide

A fucking nut straight out of the looney bin that drops knowledge just like the idiot in the Sound and the Fury...(so contrived)

Cookie cutter perspectives of life

More Uncomfortable Silences

After telling Wesley High Fives the full synopsis he proceeded to tell me that he would not be renting that one from Blockbuster. Then he offered me the best hanging rope that Virginia has to offer: the pinot noir of hanging rope, to be precise. 

Dude, I love Kate Winslet, and I have to give her propers on making this film because she is, as usual, absolutely brilliant. However, this chick is married to the director...also the director of American Beauty. 

Note to Kate: consider divorce.

I was expecting a smouldering love story. I ended up with an advertisement for Zoloft and vodka.